Proverbs 18:2 

2Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. 

Oh how I struggle with this. If you’ve ever found yourself in a conversation with me, especially a debate or difference in opinion, there is a good chance that I’m restructuring my opinion in such a way to bring you over to my line of thinking, while you are still speaking. Being that I come from a long line of salesmen, I feel it’s ‘bred’ into me. So, I will begin not only with a confession but also an apology. I’m sorry if we’ve ever been in conversation together and I was not listening to understand, but rather hearing to respond. 

So many times in conversation I catch myself slowly moving from your words to my own thoughts. I feel the need to make myself actively listen. What is actively listening anyways? Eye contact for starters, the most basic steps of seeking understanding, seems obvious but when we talk to someone, and we aren’t listening, we fear that our eyes are glossing over and avert them. I hope I’m not the only one feeling this way. Another way is to repeat back what you heard from someone in your own understanding, asking questions along the way. Provide feedback to the speaker, which isn’t judgement or opinions, rather attempt to relate to what they are saying. This will internalize their point within you and assure the speaker you are listening to understand.  

Human nature makes it hard to not form an opinion while others are speaking. However, doing so really is a disservice to the speaker. Imagine for a moment if every time you spoke before you could finish the first sentence the listener had already formed an opinion and rebuttal or worse a judgement against you. It’s almost second nature (for me at least). To be a Christian is to lead by example through action. Rebuke your silent judgment, refocus your eyes, ask questions, remain empathetic and practice this today, in every conversation. Find delight in understanding and save your opinions. As for myself, in the future, if we are in conversation and you sense I’m not listening to understand; hold me accountable. We are called to become righteous after all.